As I lay here in bed, I can’t help but think what got me here. Was it worth it?What is going to happen next? Am I going to regret anything? Am I going to get through it? All questions that I wish I knew the answers to now, but only time will tell.
So where shall I begin? I am a girl who finds herself at the end of one journey, but at the beginning of another…at 312 pounds. Did I really just admit that? I guess that’s why I am at that number, because I never took accountability for myself, I never took accountability for my weight.
May 10th, 2010 marks a milestone in my life. On June 28th, 2009, I heard 3 words that changed my life as I knew it. “I’m leaving you.” That was the day that my husband walked out the door and never looked back. May 10th marks the day that we will make our final appearance in court to finalize our divorce. May 10th is the day that starts my new life. May 10th is the day I will start living for me.
I don’t know exactly how much I weighed when I met my husband 8 years ago, but I’m sure it was probably around the 230 range. 8 years later, I find myself tipping the scale at a morbidly obese 312 pounds. How could I do this to myself? How could I let myself go so much? I know how. I gave up. I lost all hope. I plunged into a deep dark hole that no one knew I was in, and I ate myself deeper and deeper into the ground.
Well all that is going to change. For once, I am going to be accountable for my actions and I am going to make the change that I should have made a long time ago. I hope that 1 year from now, I can see the remarkable progress I’ve made. 1 year from now, I’m going to tell the old me, remember how sad and disappointed you were? Remember how miserable your life was? It was like that because you were fat. Don’t ever let yourself get back to where you were. Embrace the new you. Love the new you. And keep fighting for the new you. You can do it and I am so damn proud of you!
